the day in drivers ed in india when the horn is discussed

Good morning, class! Today we will talk about the horn.

Before you even think about getting behind the wheel, you must have mastered the proper use of the horn. The “steering wheel” on the desk in front of you is equipped with a state-of-the-art horn simulator. Go ahead, try it!

[classroom is filled with a cacophony of car-horn sounds]

OK, now let’s begin our lesson.

[horn sounds continue.]

Let’s begin our lesson, I said!

[horn sounds continue].

LET’S BEGIN OUR LESSON!

[horn sounds continue]

[instructor pulls out ultra-loud aerosol horn and blasts it, drowning out the simulated horns. the room returns to silence.]

Excellent persistence, everyone! Keep honking like that and you’ll pass your driving test with flying colours. Right, Ravi, I mean if we were ever to require driving tests.

OK, so we all know how to use the horn, but do we know when to use it? Who can tell me when it’s a good idea to use the horn?

Yes, Laxman, you could always use the horn, just to be safe, but it might then be difficult for the ten family members crammed into your backseat to inform each other when their extremities were beginning to get numb. In general you should strive to use the horn no more than 50 percent of the time! What if you only wanted to use the horn when absolutely necessary?

Right, Shankar, “whenever you’re going around a curve, in case there’s someone coming in the other direction driving on the wrong side of the road” is always an appropriate time to use your horn. Who else?

Good, Vijay, it’s always smart to honk “when there are animals in the middle of the road”, especially when they out-mass your automobile!

Yes, Mohan, “whenever the driver in front of you is driving too slowly” is definitely a good time to use the horn. Can anyone tell me if there’s a maximum duration to honk at these slow drivers? That’s right, Rahul, “as long as it takes for them to speed up or get out of the way, or until honking has depleted your car’s battery, whichever happens first”. Who has another one?

Exactly, Bala, “when the family piled onto the approaching motorcycle doesn’t realize that their infant is dangerously close to sliding off the seat and falling to the pavement or dirt.” And you have another? Great, “when you’re driving on the wrong side of a divided highway because it would take too long to enter the road in the ‘proper’ direction and make a U-turn” is definitely a good time for the horn. Any more?

Nice one, Sameer, “when you’re trying to attract the attention of one of the dudes loitering by the side of the road so you can ask him what street you’re on, since there are no street signs; or how to get your destination, which he will invariably tell you is ‘straight ahead’ no matter whether this is the case or not” is another great time for the horn.

One more? Right, Rajkumar, “whenever you’re driving on a two-way, one-lane road, to let the oncoming cars know you see them, then to let them know that you heard their honk acknowledging they know you see them, then to let them know that you heard the honk acknowledging that they know that you heard their honk acknowledging they know you see them, and so on, and so on, until you finally manage to pass each other without driving into a ditch” is definitely the right time for the horn.

Well, I think I’ve touched on all the high points, so I’ll let you go early today. For homework I want you to borrow some cattle from your parents and take them for a walk on the freeway and observe the different nuances of horn use.

I’ll see you kids tomorrow, when we’ll discuss “how to replace the incense stick on your dashboard without having to slow down”.

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2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Dan said,

    tolja so

  2. 2

    Dipika said,

    LOL… I couldn’t stop laughing! Keep it coming Juggdish 🙂


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